The Decision

In my experience, the many benefits of retirement may best be simply defined by the word freedom: freedom from schedules, freedom from responsibility, freedom to choose. In the twelve years that I've been essentially retired, I've enjoyed all these freedoms. But they've come at a price. My freedom from work schedules and responsibilities has meant no longer going to an office, no longer forced mingling with others, no new, every-day stimulation. And my freedom to choose has led me to many solitary pursuits - primarily photography and writing - that I enjoy but have involved a high degree of isolation. I've been living most of the time in my head. Even though, like Oscar Wilde, I find myself good company, I'm far too often alone. Freedom has also encouraged me to believe that I'm now old enough to wear what I want, say what I please, be with only those whose company I enjoy, act on instinct. But I know that down this road somewhere up ahead (if I'm not already there) lies the risk of being stodgy, crotchety, cynical, reclusive, eccentric, and labeling as difficult, an old fogey or worse, old fart, all characterizations I'd much prefer to avoid. At the same time, I'm also now often reminded by some challenge I hesitate to accept - oh, I don't really want to do that or, I'd rather just go to bed - that I was once far more daring, enjoyed a greater sense of adventure. What happened to that part of me?
Pondering all this in my (symbolic) darkened room and reminding myself that the mind thrives on stimulation, that to stay young at heart, one has to expand instead of contracting, I decided to accept Stacy's offer of the thirty-day cruise. It would force me into an environment where I would have to accept new challenges, meet strangers, be social, risk exposure. I decided to look at it as a new experience that would definitely grab me by the shoulders and shake me up, drag me out of my rut, provide the opportunity to expand, to learn new things about myself. I banished my former doubts and decided to embrace the unknown, seek the adventure. I called Stacy and told her I'd love to join the cruise.