The Do's and Don'ts

Included in the material Stacy sent me was a lot of information on expected code of conduct. Here goes.
Don't expect single accommodations. If the ship is full of paying guests, expect to share a cabin with another gentleman host. (Later, Stacy told me he'd be Ray, from Clearwater, Florida, a veteran host who'd been in the program since 1992. I called him to introduce myself and he sounded just fine, but who knows until you get there? He likes boats - he'd been out on one the day of my call - and he loves to dance. He was joining the ship in Athens in early October and traveling on all five segments of the cruise: Athens to Dubai, Dubai to Mumbai, Mumbai to Cape Town, Cape Town to Rio and Rio to Fort Lauderdale. He should be well-seasoned by the time I join him. I wonder if he snores. Better take my ear plugs.)
Don't expect your cabin to be serviced in the same manner, or with the same frequency, as those of the paying guests on board. (May I ask for that extra pillow I need to hold like a Teddy Bear before I can go to sleep?)
Don't ever order room service. (What? No solitary BLT when, like Madonna, I just can't stand my public any longer and need to hide?)
Do expect some added responsibilities once on board, at the entertainment director's discretion. These chores will probably be help with lifeboat drill, crew introductions at the first assembly, attendance at the initial cocktail party for guests (especially ladies) traveling alone and dancing every night in the lounge until the band stops playing and everyone has gone to bed. (Can I stay up that late?)
Do anticipate helping with any ballroom dancing lessons given on the ship. If dance teachers are on board, expect to assist. Or, if not, expect to teach the lessons yourself. Do tell the entertainment director what dances you'd like to teach and when. Take some dance CD's just in case they should be needed. (Chin up. Shoulders relaxed. Now, side together step, and side together step.)
Do be approachable. Let guests discover you are willing to share knowledge and insight through informal conversations as well as during scheduled activities. Explore the ship early so that you cant help direct guests to their various venues. ("The John is just down the hall, Ma'am.")
Do participate in daily activities. This will increase your visibility and help promote evening dancing. ("Yes, I do play Bridge. But I've never really liked that short two, opening bid.")
Don't participate in any gambling activities on the ship: no casino, no horse racing, no bingo. (Might I speculate on how much of the Samba I can remember?)
Do watch your intake of alcohol. Heed your limits rigidly. (Probably best not to drink at all.)
Don't ask the waiters in the dining room for anything special. Eat what is put in front of you. (No "just a lamb chop and some mashed potatoes, please.")
Don't accompany any guest to their stateroom. If invited, politely decline, explaining that it's against policy. ("Sorry ma'am. I have a headache. And besides, I don't swing that way.")
Don't join a guest in any special, upgraded dinner. Stick to the dining room. (No special Italian delight, or French fantasy.)
Don't ever eat alone. Always arrange a group for dinner or, if that isn't possible, ask the maitre d' to seat you in an open spot with a group, preferably at least six others. (Hello, everyone. May I join you on your family birthday celebration?)
Do learn the guests' names. Refer to them as "Mr." and "Mrs.," or "Ms." (With my memory, I'll have to carry a note pad. Where's a Blackberry when you need one?)
Don't linger in the lounge with any single person or group. If invited to sit, don't remain long. Move around the room and be mindful of ladies seated in the back. ("Excuse me, ladies. I have to mingle." And take a moment to pump up my charm for those others, seated back there, hiding in the dark.)
Do volunteer to assist with all shore excursions. If you aren't asked to join one that you prefer, don't complain; accept your assignment graciously. ("Oh, I had wanted to see Napoleon's house here on St. Helena, but the church and town hall will be just fine.")
Do not, under any circumstances, discuss with guests or crew the financial arrangements under which you are traveling. Disclosure of this information inevitably leads to uninformed comparisons and creates uncomfortable situations for all involved. (In other words, don't tell anyone you're traveling free in exchange for services. You don't want to be labeled as a gigolo.)
Do keep your clothes cleaned and pressed. You must be "fresh" at all times. The ship provides a $3.00 per day dry cleaning and laundry allowance. (Which, in my experience, will perhaps be enough for laundering one shirt or dry cleaning one sleeve of my tuxedo.)
Do carry breath mints and use them often. (Especially after that garlicky Italian dinner. Or dance only the tango on that night, when you can fling your head dramatically from side to side, without your partner's knowing your trying to hide your bad breath.)
Do remember that guests always come first. (No pushing and shoving to get through immigration in time to make your plane home.)
Do check your schedule regularly to be sure there are no last minute changes and so that you can arrive on time and in the proper location. (If it's ten o'clock, I'm due for Bridge, then morning bouillon and lunch with Mrs. ...what's her name?)
And above all, smile, smile, smile. (In other words, "Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag.")

While all this sounded a lot like Boy Scout camp or Basic Training, I've done both in my long life and can certainly adhere to Stacy's admonitions. I'll just have to turn on the charm as soon as I get to the ship and keep it on high for thirty days, smiling my way through a cha cha chase on a sloping dance floor while some single lady with bad breath is stepping on my feet! Sounds like fun.